Anger, Thy Name Is Victoria

The last two weeks have been, what I can only describe as, a complete disaster.

I injured my back, and just when I was starting to feel better, I took a turn for the worse and injured it further.  I spent the better part of four hours in the hospital, in the middle of the night, hoping like hell a doctor could make the intense pain go away.  I was prescribed medication, which made my feet swell up, made me tired all the time, and included a host of other symptoms I’m not going to share (trust me, you don’t want to know).  I’ve been in pain basically 24/7, parked on the couch, or a chair, or whatever piece of furniture was comfortable at the time (it changed daily), all while switching between ice and heat on my back (because what felt good changed daily as well).  I have been miserable, and moody, and whiney, and frankly I’m surprised my brother hasn’t moved out and left me here on my own.

You know what the worst part of all of this crap is?  I have no one to blame but myself.

I’m so angry at myself.  I’ve spent the last two weeks feeling sorry for myself:

  • My back hurts so I’m going to rest and watch TV for hours.
  • My back hurts so I’m going eat whatever I want to comfort myself.
  • My back hurts so I’m going to continue to eat whatever I want…

I know I was injured, and I know I needed to rest (which I did), and I know I needed some TLC (which I got), but I missed a golden opportunity here friends.  My weight factors into what happened to my back, and instead of trying to do something about it, I ate. And ate, and ate.  I haven’t weighed myself, but I’m sure I’ve gained like 10 lb in the last two weeks.  As a matter of fact, wait right here and I’ll go weigh myself.

Yep, ten pounds, boy did I call that.  I am now officially at the highest weight I have ever been.  😦

The question that now remains is: what am I going to so about it?  I’m going to take that anger—the sadness, the desperateness I’m feeling—and channel it into my health.  It’s on now, no holds barred.  I said that I was going to start asking for help, and I absolutely will.  I have friends who know fitness, I have friends who know food, I have friends who live healthy lifestyles who can teach me and inspire me to become the best me I can be.  Right now I don’t feel like best version of me, and I want that to change.

So today, is the day.

Today is the day I put all my excuses behind me and I go for it.  I’ll have limitations at first—my back is still healing, I’m still dealing with medication side effects—but I will do what I can until I can do more.  Then I’ll do more after that until I get where I want to be.

There is no turning back, so watch out.  Things are about to change.

Back At It

Yesterday marked my first day back to the gym in…well, let’s just say it’s been a long time.

I wandered over to my local Goodlife gym on Monday to start getting my flab into tip-top shape. I actually like my gym because they have a women’s only workout area. It’s not that I dislike working out in front of men; I just find working out in the women’s area slightly less intimidating. I say slightly because there are some honest-to-God, fantastically fit women at my gym. I used to look at these women and think “I will never look like that.” However, yesterday all I could think was “I can’t wait to look like that!” That thought was immediately followed by “Crap, what do I need to do to look like that?”

Working out has always been difficult for me, basically because I’m impatient. I want to see results and I want to see them quickly, and when I don’t, I start to get discouraged. I have PROMISED myself that I’m not going to do that this time. Rather than be dependent on the results, I’m want to focus on the process. Exercise has SO MANY other benefits besides weight loss:

  • more energy
  • better mental clarity
  • increase in endorphins (yay happy feelings!)
  • boost self-confidence
  • better sleep
  • better sex life (um, yes please!)

Leagally Blonde

 

When I look at that list I think “Why wouldn’t I want to exercise?” I have three words for you peeps:

IT’S FREAKIN’ HARD!! (and “freakin’” was not my first word choice by the way 😉 )

Exercising as an overweight person sucks. It might even suck as a fit person, I don’t know, I’ve never really been fit, but I doubt it does. Having to lug weights around on top of the body weight I already carry is exhausting. But enough of my complaining! What are we going to do about it!??

SUCK IT UP!  Yes, it’s hard, and yes I was tired when it was over.  But you know what?  It was a good tired (as my brother says).  I had this fantastic sense of accomplishment when I was finished.  I cam home, showered, and headed to bed feeling quite proud of myself!

My brother and I have talked about how I feel when I overeat.  To remember that awful, hideous feeling the next time I feel like stuffing my face in the hopes that it will remind me that if I over indulge I am sure to feel like crap.  I’m going to do the same with the feeling I get after I go to the gym.  Remembering—on those days when I am feeling lazy and don’t want to go workout—how amazing and accomplished I’ll feel when I’ve gone out there and worked towards what I want.  Take that fat.

 

What is My Excuse?

I haven’t blogged in awhile, I’ve been really busy, blah, blah, blah…you know the drill (we’ve been down this road so many times before).

Last night I got a chance to come up for a bit of air after a long and busy week, and I started thinking about all the things I’m not doing that I should be doing.

  • I’m not taking my workouts seriously (if working out at all).
  • I’m not thinking about what I’m eating before I eat it.
  • I’m not practicing good sleep hygiene (which is essential for me, because I’m a terrible sleeper).
  • I’m not treating myself with kindness.

Why do I always put myself last on the list?  Why do I always put other people’s needs ahead of my own?  Am I just to nice?  Am I a pushover? (I don’t think so).  Am I destined to look and feel this way for the rest of my life?

When it comes right down to it, I really have very little in the way of excuses to not be doing what I’m suppose to be doing—living a healthy life so I will have a healthy, fit body and an abundance of energy.  I don’t have a husband, I don’t have children—it’s just me, I am responsible only for me.  Not that either of those things should or would stop anyone from living a healthy life, what I’m saying is there are others who have WAY more on their plate than I do and still manage to live a healthy lifestyle.  Instead of feeling healthy and energetic, most days I feel like an old, deflated, worn out soccer ball.

The truth is, it’s difficult to live a healthy life because it’s so easy not to.  It’s easy to hit the snooze button, roll over and go back to sleep, but it’s difficult to dig deep, get up and workout.  It’s easy to eat three donuts (because they taste so damn good and they’re sitting right there, mocking you), but it’s difficult to make the decision to forgo the sweets and eat something healthy.

Temptation is everywhere and every time I give in I feel weak.

But I’m going to be strong because for me, giving up is not an option.  I just need to find my motivation!

My Motivation to Practice Healthy Living

  1. I want to have a healthy, fit body and mind.
  2. I want to have ENERGY!
  3. I want to feel good in my skin.
  4. I want to have a healthy, fit body and mind heading into my later years (which some days I feel are rapidly approaching, I assure you).

These are the reasons to get up in the morning and workout, these are the reasons to forgo the donut and eat the salad, these are the reasons to stop making excuses and start taking my health SERIOUSLY!  NO EXCUSES!!

There, end rant.  I feel better now.  I think I’ll go workout 🙂

28-day Challenge – Stick a Fork in Me I’m Done

Welcome to the end my friends. Yesterday marked the last day of the

Prevention 28-day Transformation Challenge, and although I don’t know that I would consider myself “transformed”, I definitely feel like I took some major steps in the right direction when it comes to my health.

I think the most interesting part of this challenge was that even though I wasn’t counting calories or fat grams or any other nutrient, I still managed to lose weight. Being conscious about what and how much I put in my body was enough to make me understand that eating 1500 calories a day is all well and good, but if it’s 1500 calories of Pepsi and Cheetos, it’s not going to make any difference in your health. Food is fuel. Grilled chicken and a salad will keep you going all day, Cheetos will probably only get you as far as the front door.

Although I had a hard time fitting in all my workouts during the challenge, I was working out more than I had before. I definitely need to make exercise a priority because I do feel great after I work out. I even tried yoga a couple of times while on the challenge and although I’m not great at it, I think I’m going to keep trying (as long as I don’t have to do it in public 😛 )

As I mentioned in previous blogs, although I started out strong, I kind of fizzled in the last two weeks of the challenge. I had a hard time balancing healthy living with being busy, and I think it’s something I’m always going to struggle with. I definitely think preparation is the key thing here and remembering that I need to put myself first, otherwise I’ll burn myself out. And no one wants that. 🙂

I had my last weigh in yesterday and in total I lost 7 lb over the 28 days. Not to shabby if I do say so myself. I had lost eight after Week 2, but then gained back pound in Week 3. For Week 4 I stayed exactly the same.

So now what do I do? Good question!! I carry on, try new foods, try new workouts, and hopefully continue to keep all of you entertained and with my blogs.  Blogging every day is HARD, which is why I think I wasn’t blogging so much towards the end.  I just ran out of things to say (hard to believe, but true).

One last thing I’d like to mention—yesterday the world lost an amazing person with Maya Angelou’s passing.  Her words have inspired so many people, but there is one particular quote of hers that always makes me want to go out there and take on the world:

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.

Off I go to kick some ass…

28-day Challenge Who Knows What Day I’m On!

Oy!  I’ve been a very bad blogger the last few (actually more like seven) days—not writing, indulging way to much, and working out way too little.  The good news is that it’s Monday, and everyone always has a chance to redeem themselves on a Monday—start the week off on the right foot and get that momentum back!

I’m not sure how I let myself get off track on the 28-day Challenge.  One bad eating day turned into two, and two turned into four, and well you know how it goes.  But, we’re not going to dwell on that.  The fact is I don’t want to give up.  I don’t look at it as starting over, I just look at it as continuing the process.  I’m always going to have some good days and bad days, but we get over it and we move on!

I have three days left in the challenge and I’ll try to end things on a high note:

  • Food prep for the week complete – check
  • Workouts scheduled for the week – check
  • “Me time” scheduled – check.

The next four weeks are going to be very hectic for me.  I’m covering for a co-worker who is on vacation for the next month plus I have school.  I think it’s important that I schedule my life for the four weeks so I can stay on top of everything, including my eating and my workouts.  You’ll see I scheduled some “me time” in there as well so I don’t go crazy and burn myself out, which I sometimes have a tendency to so.  I know what I’m like when I’m super busy so I’m taking steps ahead of time to mitigate any stressful disasters.

The one exciting thing I did this past week was invest in a Fitbit.  A Fitbit is a wireless health tracker.  I bought the Fitbit Flex, which you wear around your wrist and looks like this:

Fitbit Flex

The Fitbit Flex tracks how many steps I take, calories I burn, and distance I go.  If I wear it to bed it will even monitor my sleep and wake me in the morning with a light vibration on my wrist.  You can set goals and it will tell you how close you are to reaching your goal for the day keeping you motivated to keep going.  It syncs up with an app on my iPad and my laptop (wirelessly!) so I can check on my progress anytime.  I’m really excited to get started with my Fitbit and I have it all charged up for Monday.  A full charge lasts for five days so I can wear it day or night without worry that it’s going to run out of power.  I’ll use it for a little while and then post a full review on the blog in a few weeks.

So there is my long overdue update!  I didn’t lose any weight last week (in fact I gained a pound 😦 ) but hey, I’ll just have to work harder this week.  I’m still further ahead then I was when I started!

28-day Challenge Week 2 Recap

Oh my!  What a week!

I have been crazy busy with work and school (but that’s ok I like busy) and I got to see Harley Pasternak talk (I started reading the Body Reset Diet, and so far I’m impressed—more on that coming soon).  I didn’t do everything I was supposed to this week, but I’m certainly not beating myself up about it.  I’ve had worse weeks, and this just throws more fuel on the fire to work harder next week.

I was lax on my workouts and only got in a couple, but hey, a couple is better than none.  I ate a few things I shouldn’t have this week, but hey, I’m not perfect…and those cookies were SCREAMING my name.

Let’s talk about my weight then, shall we??  Despite not having the best week, I still managed to lose….wait for it….

2 lb!!

A LOVELY surprise when I got on the scale to do my weigh in for the week.  I can do this!  I think the best part of all this is that I’m not counting calories or fat grams, I’m just eating well and watching my portion sizes.  So YAY me….YAY!!  That’s 8 lb total lost in two weeks.

(Yeah, I’m excited today…girl has a right to celebrate!)

My intention for next week is to make myself a priority.  I didn’t do that this past week…I let work and other life things dictate my schedule.  I need to make sure I’m dictating it and get those workouts in!!

Yes we can!!  Woohoo!!

28-day Challenge Day 12

There are some days when everything just falls into place. You’ve got on the perfect shade of lipstick (Syrup by MAC), the perfect song plays on your way to work (Suit and Tie by Justin Timberlake), and on the train a cute guy gives you the look (you know which look I’m talking about). All of these perfect little things add up to a calmness and a confidence that just makes you feel good. I call these my FGLG days—Feelin’ Good and Lookin’ Good. It just so happens that Monday was one of those days.

I have to say, my attitude has changed dramatically in the last little while, especially when it comes to my weight loss. As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I did a little extra eatin’ on the weekend, none of which was very good for me. Today I set the wheels back in motion: I ate a healthy breakfast and scheduled a workout setting myself up for a successful day and week. A few months ago eating poorly would have sent me down a path of further unhealthy eating; now it’s just fuel for me to get right back on track.

What’s with the attitude change? I love my FGLG days, and I want more of them. They’re addictive. I never used to feel this way about myself, often times just too insecure about my weight and the way I looked. Here’s the thing though: my weight has only slightly changed in the last little while and I’m starting to have more FGLG days. I’m taking better care of myself on a consistent basis and THAT is making me feel good. I’m fueling my body with yummy, whole foods; I’m exercising my body with semi-regular workouts (I really need to step that up); and I’m doing little things that make me feel great like using a fantastic smelling body oil, or getting my nails done, or having coffee with a friend.

We all want to have FGLG days, and I want you to know that you don’t have to wait to lose the weight to have them. For a long time I thought that I did—I’ll never have confidence until I’m thinner, I’ll be happier when I’m 50 lb lighter, or 75 lb, or 100 lb—but it’s not true. Just knowing that I’m changing things is making me feel good and any weight loss is definitely going to be icing on the cake (mmm…cake 😉 ).

What sorts of things make you feel good? Have you had an FGLG day? Tell me about it in the comments below.