Rise and Shine

On Monday my friend Ry sent me an email. The email contained an mp3 file and the following instructions:

Ok…here is an assignment for you. Attached I’ve placed an MP3. Do not listen to it right now. I want you to do the following:

a) put it on your iPod
b) the next morning walk/run you go out for, make it the first thing you play – listen to it only then

Now it should be said that I am an impatient person. Giving me something that I can’t use right away is tantamount to showing a child a toy and telling them the have to wait two hours to play with it. I’m going to loose my shit.Rise and Shine

But in an effort to be somewhat of an adult about this, I reluctantly followed his instructions.

Because of a back i jury (I get occasional bouts of sciatica) I was forced to abandon my Tuesday morning workout.  The plan this week was for my rest days to be Wednesday and Thursday, which meant my next workout would not have been until Friday.  Well there was no way in hell I was going to wait until Friday.  So up I got on Wednesday at 5:15am and did a little check to make sure my back was in functioning mode (I make it sound like I bounded out of bed, which is not how my body works. It was more of a slow crawl).

So there I was 5:30am, running shoes laced up, iPod on, standing in front of my building….and off I go.

The track is called Rise and Shine. I researched it a bit afterwards and it’s from a Nike motivational commercial.

It was exactly what I needed.

Ry knows all too well how I let the little voices in my head talk me down, how I let them win. How I let them tell me that I can’t do it….I’m too fat, too slow, I’m not getting anywhere, I’m not good enough. They are the same voices that taunt me with cheeseburgers and cupcakes, and then promise me we’ll try again harder tomorrow. I hate those voices. They are mean, they are bullies, and they are wrong.

I can do this. Yes I’m fat, but I won’t be forever and yes I’m slow but I will get faster.

I am going somewhere and it’s to the mall to buy new clothes for the hot body I’m creating.

I love cheeseburgers and cupcakes, but there is a time and place for indulging and it can’t happen everyday.

And trying harder doesn’t start tomorrow, it starts right now

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The Do-over

So the lovely Glitter, over at Glitter and Lazers Weight Loss Blog (a fantastic blog), recently wrote about how she had gottenThe Do Over off track with her health plan over the last couple of weeks.  She had fallen off the wagon and was having a hard time getting back on.  She is very brave to admit she’s fallen down, and in an effort to get back on track, Glitter decided to have a weight loss restart.  A do-over.

As someone who has struggled over the last few weeks as well, this resonated deeply with me.  I’ve been feeling pretty blah over the last few weeks—actually blah would be understatement.  I’ve been downright miserable.  There was moodiness, there were tears…there were several cupcakes eaten (among other things).

I signed up for a peer support group to get some help with binge eating.  Binging is something I struggle with and am trying hard to work out.  The group was, in my opinion, a disaster so I decided not to go back.  This just added fuel to the fire of how I was already feeling…instead of a slow downhill walk, I was running, sprinting downhill.  But with some good talks with some good friends, and the resolve to keep going, I’m now feeling more like myself.  That’s right, I’m back to my jovial, smart-ass self.  So, now I’m also proclaiming a do-over.

I’m sure there are some people out there saying, “There are no do-overs!  You can’t do that!”

Well guess what?  I just did.

And if I get knocked down again, I’m going to get back up and have another do-over.  As many times as it takes until I get it right.

So I set a few goals for June:

  1. Stick to my meal plan.
    I have planned my meals and grocery shopped for the week, and prepared as many things ahead of time that I can.  I’ll continue to do this for the next four weeks.  I get one cheat meal per week (scheduled this week for Friday night dinner) when I can eat whatever I want (hello macaroni and cheese).  But no binging.
  2. Just say no to sugary drinks.
    I managed to get off the hard stuff (soda pop), but it’s the other little drinks here and there—ice tea, lemonade, vodka and cranberry juice—that add up to a lot of extra calories and unnecessary sugar consumption.  So I’m calling it quits.  Water, milk, and tea (sans sugar) will be my beverages of choice.
  3. Get my ass to the gym at least 2x a week.
    I think this says it all.

So, there we go!  I’ve got a plan…I’ve got some momentum…I only have five more days until I can have mac and cheese 😛

Aaaaaand We’re Back…

So, you may have noticed I’ve been absent for the past two weeks.  Or maybe I just have an ego the size of Montana thinking anyone noticed I wasn’t blogging. 😉

You know what happens when I get quiet…it means I’m up to no good.  Which I definitely was.

It started three days after the Saturday that I went for the 2.3 km hike.  When we last saw Victoria, she was noticeably sore, but working through it, and her ankle was feeling better.  Well, my ankle healed nicely thanks, however it was my right hamstring that posed the biggest challenge for me.  On the third day after the hike I woke up, put my feet on the floor, stood up, and screamed at the pain shooting down the back of my right leg.  I limped my way to the washroom, convincing myself I’d never walk again, envisioning myself with crutches or a  cane…how would I get around?  what would I do? how would I live??!!

Ok, I’m a bit of a drama queen sometimes, so shoot me.

Surrounding all of this is the fact that I also haven’t been eating very well.  Actually, eating with reckless abandon sounds more like it.  So to say I’ve been off-track is somewhat of an understatement.  I basically fell into vat of macaroni and cheese and tried to eat my way out.

This really didn’t serve me well the day I decided to go clothes shopping for a wedding I’m going to this weekend.  I can only equate the experience to the Looney Tunes Tasmanian Devil spinning frantically around the dressing room while trying on clothes—that is if the Tasmanian Devil had also just gained a couple of pounds and started to cry after he couldn’t find anything that fit or looked right.  Yeah that’s right, I cried when I couldn’t find anything to wear.  I’m a girl, sometimes we do that (see drama queen reference above).  The really awful part about all of this is that after I finished my horrible clothes shopping expedition, all I wanted to do was eat.  So…I did.  I was emotionally charged and I took my frustrations out on myself by eating.  A bag of chips, a bottle of ice tea, two cupcakes, I think there was some ice cream in there somewhere, though I may have blacked out after the cupcakes.

When I first started writing the blog, I promised myself I wasn’t going to censor anything.  The point is to show the highs and the lows of trying to lose weight.  The highest highs and even the lowest lows.  I think it’s safe to say that the past two weeks have been a low point.  I was feeling pretty miserable, and sorry for myself, but after talking with a few friends, and now getting my feelings out on the blog, I’m definitely feeling better.

I even found something to wear to the wedding. 🙂

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The Week in Review: Cupcake Consequences

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Hello my beautiful friends!  I thought I’d do a little week in review for you, since this is officially my first full week as a blogger!  So, how did things go?  Let’s start with the not-so-good…

  • Last week was incredibly stressful for me.  Work was INSANE, and I spent more time at work than doing anything else last week.  When I’m busy and working hard, I’m all in, so I tend to let the other stuff slide (you know like working out, eating well, and generally anything that has to do with making me happy).  I can be an all-or-nothing type personality, and I really need to work on better balance.
  • The cupcake incident…chalk that one up to a weak moment.  But Bad ass Victoria had better get herself in check, because this can’t be happening all the time.  Next week I’m going to a workshop on Mindfulness practice—using mindfulness to combat emotional eating—so watch for a blog about that soon.
  • So the consequence of not taking better care of myself, and eating cupcakes and other not so great things for me…I gained 0.6 of a pound.  Yes I gained, but not a complete disaster.  Enough of a gain thought to  make me realize I better step it up and get myself back on track.

And the good…

  • I’m feeling a little more like myself again after this horrid work week.  I met a friend for coffee on Saturday and I had breakfast with my parents and my brother today.  I feel calmer and more relaxed heading into the new week.
  • This blog!  I’ve received so many positive notes and words of encouragement, I can’t thank everyone enough.  I’m really enjoying blogging so far and I’m hoping I can bring you some interesting thoughts in the days, weeks, months, and years to come (ok I may have just locked myself into a lengthy time committment there).

I hope everyone has an amazing week!

The Cupcake Debacle

Yesterday I was walking back to the office from lunch, through the food court in the
building across the street from the one I work in, and I walked by a cupcake
shop I’ve been to many times before (probably too many times).  I stopped in
front of the counter and looking at all of the fresh, deliciously sweet
cupcakes, I suddenly heard a voice.

“Buy one”, the voice said.

I turned and looked around to see who was talking to me, but no one was saying anything.  People rushed around me, not paying me any attention.

“Buy one”, I heard again.

It took a few seconds, but I realized the voice was mine!  You see
friends, there are two of me.  Not two of me in the physical sense (I’ve been told
on more than one occasion that one of me is quite enough), but two personalities
if you will.   I would like to introduce you to Good girl Victoria and Bad ass
Victoria.

Good girl Victoria is sweet, she’s nice, she’s a pushover.  She does what
she’s told, doesn’t use foul language, and eats her vegetables. Bad ass Victoria on the other hand has anger issues, doesn’t give a crap what anyone thinks, and eats Doritos for breakfast (yes, I’ve done that and no, I’m not proud of it).  And it was the
voice of Bas ass Victoria that I heard, loud and clear, while standing in front of the cupcake shop.

I didn’t know what to do.  Do I indulge and enjoy a cupcake, or do
I stay strong and eat the apple I know is sitting on my desk in the office.  It’s been a stressful week, surely I’ve earned just a little treat to make me feel better!  I
needed Good girl Victoria to fight back, to be strong, and stand up to Bad ass
Victoria in this time of crisis.  But Bad ass Victoria plays dirty and she would punch good girl Victoria in the neck if it meant access to yummy, delicious, sugar-laden
treats.  So it was no surprise when I suddenly found myself back at my desk
staring at this:

Cupcake

Shocking isn’t it?  Well maybe not shocking.  Maybe more
like delicious, mouth-watering, decadent…ok, you see where this is
going, no need to editorialize.

I stared down at the cupcake, contemplating it’s fate,  when
suddenly I heard the voice again.

“Eat it”, the voice said.

Now I am sitting there at my desk, silently begging Good girl Victoria to jump in and save me, but she is nowhere to be found, most likely having been hog tied, gaged, and locked in the closet by Bad ass Victoria.  So I did what any bad ass chick would do…I
ate it.  It was sweet, it was moist, it was heaven…and I would do it again in a
minute.  Do I feel guilty?  A little.  But for now, that’s Good girl Victoria’s problem 😉

Saturday is my first weigh-in since starting the blog.  Normally I have a pretty good idea going in whether or not the news will be good or bad, but this week as been particularly crazy so I’m not quite sure…it could go either way.  Fingers crossed!

I’d also like to take a second and thank everyone who has been reading the blog and who has gotten in touch with me to tell me how much you have been enjoying it.  That makes me happy, so thank you. x