Welcome friends!  Come on in!  As you can see, I’ve done a little redecorating here at Victoriously.  I thought it was time to pretty things up a bit.  Sometimes you just need a little makeover to get your blood pumping and a little bit of excitement into your life.

I’m all about transformation.  Hell, I’ve been trying to my entire life to transform.  Remember the little discussion I had a few days ago about confidence?  That demon has chased me for quite some time and at one time or another I’ve thought about changing so many things from my weight to my pitch of my voice.  At one point I even wanted to try and change how I laughed!  My brother was convinced it wasn’t possible, and he was correct (again).  Despite trying to lose my sometimes annoying Betty Rubble giggle, it has stuck with me.  I’m over that by the way, this is the laugh I’ve got and it’s the laugh you’re going to hear. 🙂

I think change can be healthy if you’re doing it for the right reasons.  Wanting to become healthier—good change; wanting to change how you laugh—maybe not so much.

I came across this quote yesterday that I wanted to share:

Shaka Senghor Quote

I heard this in a Ted talk given by Shaka Senghor who is an author and motivational speaker.  Now granted, Mr. Senghor was speaking about convicted felons and their ability to be rehabilitated, but this part of his talk really spoke to me.  You need to create space for transformation to happen.  You need to open yourself up to the possibilities that are out there and create room in your life for those possibilities to exist.  Being open means allowing yourself to be vulnerable.  That is something I’ve been unable and unwilling to do.

I think my confidence has eroded because I’ve not allowed myself to be vulnerable.  I play it safe rather than take the chance and live with the possibility I might be hurt.  You know something?  I hurt myself either way.  By cutting myself off I don’t allow myself to grow and blossom into a woman that has such amazing potential.  If I take a chance and it doesn’t work, yes I might get hurt, but I’ll learn and I’ll grow.

A couple of years ago I tattooed two small butterflies on the inside of my right wrist.  I put them there to remind me that transformation is a beautiful thing and that it was time for me to break free and fly.  I’ve had lots of ups and downs since then, but I think now it’s time for me to create the space for true transformation.


Confidence – If You Build It, Will it Come?

Recently a friend of mine posted a comment on Facebook about purchasing a swimsuit.  She was heading to the beach the following day, and although she managed to try on and purchase a swimsuit she was feeling apprehensive about wearing it in public.  When I read about her dilemma, I immediately identified with her hesitation.  She did manage to get a couple of steps further than I ever have by actually trying on the swimsuit and purchasing it.  I start hyperventilating just thinking about having to try one on.  My swimsuit shopping typically involves browsing online shops, looking at swimsuits I have no intention of wearing, while I daydream about frolicking in the sand and surf with Joe Manganiello.  If you don’t know who I’m referring to, seriously go to Google right now and look him up.You are Beautiful

Go, now…I’ll wait.  See what I mean?  Yummy!  But I digress…

The next day my friend posted a picture of herself at the beach, wearing the aforementioned swinsuit.  She looked her fear right in the face and said “SUCK IT!”  I told her she was awesome and that she looked great.  I couldn’t have been prouder of her.

It’s easy for me to encourage others.  I always want people to see the best in themselves and be exactly who they are.  She is a beautiful woman and she rocked that swimsuit.  But as I lay in bed that evening, all I thought about is this question: why can’t I have the same confidence in myself?  When someone pays me a compliment my first instinct is to brush it off.  When I see a picture of myself it’s usually followed by an eye roll and an accompanied sigh over how I look.

So here’s my question:  Where does body confidence come from?  How does a person decide that he or she likes what they see in the mirror?  How do you build that confidence and see yourself for who you really are?

(OK that was multiple questions.)

I used to be confident.  I used to feel like I had it all together, but as I got heavier that confidence slowly eroded.  I’m just not sure why.  My body changed, and somehow along with that I let it change how I feel about myself.  If I had gotten thinner, would the same thing have happened?  Probably not.  By dieting and exercising and constantly trying to make myself thinner, I guess I always assumed that body confidence would inevitably follow.  For the first time in my life, I actually don’t believe that.

The question is, where do I start?


Where does your confidence come from?  How do you continue to cultivate the confidence on a daily basis?