Confidence – If You Build It, Will it Come?

Recently a friend of mine posted a comment on Facebook about purchasing a swimsuit.  She was heading to the beach the following day, and although she managed to try on and purchase a swimsuit she was feeling apprehensive about wearing it in public.  When I read about her dilemma, I immediately identified with her hesitation.  She did manage to get a couple of steps further than I ever have by actually trying on the swimsuit and purchasing it.  I start hyperventilating just thinking about having to try one on.  My swimsuit shopping typically involves browsing online shops, looking at swimsuits I have no intention of wearing, while I daydream about frolicking in the sand and surf with Joe Manganiello.  If you don’t know who I’m referring to, seriously go to Google right now and look him up.You are Beautiful

Go, now…I’ll wait.  See what I mean?  Yummy!  But I digress…

The next day my friend posted a picture of herself at the beach, wearing the aforementioned swinsuit.  She looked her fear right in the face and said “SUCK IT!”  I told her she was awesome and that she looked great.  I couldn’t have been prouder of her.

It’s easy for me to encourage others.  I always want people to see the best in themselves and be exactly who they are.  She is a beautiful woman and she rocked that swimsuit.  But as I lay in bed that evening, all I thought about is this question: why can’t I have the same confidence in myself?  When someone pays me a compliment my first instinct is to brush it off.  When I see a picture of myself it’s usually followed by an eye roll and an accompanied sigh over how I look.

So here’s my question:  Where does body confidence come from?  How does a person decide that he or she likes what they see in the mirror?  How do you build that confidence and see yourself for who you really are?

(OK that was multiple questions.)

I used to be confident.  I used to feel like I had it all together, but as I got heavier that confidence slowly eroded.  I’m just not sure why.  My body changed, and somehow along with that I let it change how I feel about myself.  If I had gotten thinner, would the same thing have happened?  Probably not.  By dieting and exercising and constantly trying to make myself thinner, I guess I always assumed that body confidence would inevitably follow.  For the first time in my life, I actually don’t believe that.

The question is, where do I start?


Where does your confidence come from?  How do you continue to cultivate the confidence on a daily basis?


One thought on “Confidence – If You Build It, Will it Come?

  1. Simply by saying “Thank you” when someone gives you a compliment…no eye roll, no looking away or down, no self-deprecation. Just take it and acknowledge it! It sounds trite, but it isn’t.

    As you know, I too have had a lot of self-worth and self-image issues in my life…still do, to be honest…but a big part of being able to move past those and slowly diminish their impact in my life has been the idea of accepting compliments from other people as more than politeness.

    If it works for you as it did for me, at first you just go through the motions…but then slowly, as you take the compliments in and hear them more often–really, really hear them–you begin to think they may be based on something…they may be true. They are.

    You have a smile that lights up a room. You have an amazing spirit when you set it free. And you’re an incorrigible flirt, which I love. You’re witty, pretty and intelligent.

    And anyone would be proud to call you a friend…I am.

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